Lesson's learned from a chair

My family and I went on our first vacation 6 months post surgery. My husband and I wanted to visit Washington D.C.  We were there in May of this yr, this was also the time for end of the year class trips for a lot of schools. We went to the Smithsonian museum after waiting in a long line of many middle school and high school aged kids with their chaperones we made it in. Our first stop bathroom, (one of many joys of a SCI little bladder control) there was only one stall in the bathroom for a handicap person. I wait for it to become open and I start rolling towards it and a beautiful little girl around the age of 5-6 was heading in the same stall, her mother at the sink washing her hands. I, being a mother and former teacher who loves kids,ask very politely "Hey sweetie, do you mind if I use that one? Its the only one that my wheelchair will fit into." She smiles spins on her toes and happily replies Yes.   Her mother on the other hand was not so happy that I even spoke to her to daughter. She grabs her daughter close to her gave me a look that said go to hell, then as I continued to roll past her to get to the stall she shoulder checked me with her elbow. Really? What did I do?
Later that same day at the Lincoln Memorial my husband and I are rolling through the middle of the door that leads to outside as we are almost through the doorway elementary aged kids with their chaperones leading them come towards us. Even though we were already almost through the door they pushed me back through the door so they could come in?!?!?!?!  It wasn't until a employee who saw this happen stopped the kids and their adult chaperones and asked that they move out of the way and he pushed me through that door.
I am a person!!! We are people with emotions!! Most of us look like we shouldn't be in a chair but, we are. We don't want to be in a chair just as much as you think we shouldn't be in one. Please, don't stare, don't talk about us like we are dumb, we are right in front of you. Please, teach our younger generations to respect all people regardless of disabilities, color, sex, rich or poor. We all have families, a heart, emotions and a life. Remember that the next time you look down to wave at us when we roll by.


Disability doesn't mean inability. It's all a matter of your own perspective.

My first day

Going from walking to one day and the next your in emergency surgery being told you may never walk again WITHOUT a traumatic injury to my neck. Was the hardest thing for my mind to comprehend and even harder to accept. I can't remember a lot of the moments right before going into surgery. I do remember being mad, mad at my husband. Why?? I told him it was because of his "attitude". His "attitude" was being worried and scared not knowing what was going to happen. The truth is I was mad and needed someone to be mad at. I needed to push him away as well. He needed to go. He could have so much more in life than a burden of a wife, who wants a wife who can't move from the neck down? I needed to go more. I prayed that I go while in surgery, I didn't want to be a burden to my family. Needless to say I was more than upset when I awoke. I tried to move my fingers, they worked. I tried to wiggle my toes, no movement. I cried, not cried sobbed to the point that my nurse in recovery heard me across the way and came over asked whats wrong I lied I told her I was in pain. She gave me a lot of whatever drug it was. I wanted more. I wanted to sleep. Sleep through this damn nightmare I just woke up in. Why? How? WTF??? FTW!!!! I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want to go back to my room. That's where they were. They would have to look at me and ask me to move legs and I can't. How are they going to react? How will I react? Rage set in and it set in fierce. My husband is the first I see, my first thought as illogical as it was, why the hell couldn't you have stopped this?!?!! Why couldn't he have stopped my disk's from going into my spinal cord and cutting it off?  Why couldn't he save and protect me from the outside world as he has done before? I don't remember what the fight was over or what I said to be the "problem". I only remember kicking him out and telling him not to come back ever again. Every fiber in me wanted him to leave and never look back. I wanted even more to leave this body and never look back. I was stuck, left in this body that didn't want to work. On the outside I am trying to act like I can handle this and everything will be ok on the inside I want to die. I want to find away out of here......